The Empress and the Practice of Joy

The Empress is one of my favorite tarot cards. She represents so much there is to love - creativity, pleasure, fertility, connection to nature, relationships, empathy. I struggled to even know which aspect of her multi-faceted glory to focus on but kept coming back to joy, not just as a fleeting sentiment, but as something we can intentionally cultivate through practice.

We don't often think of discipline and joy as being related. Discipline has overtones of drudgery; there's a lot of "should" wrapped up in that word. The Empress, on the other hand, evokes a kind of effortless enjoyment of life. She overflows with creative potential. She is at home in her body, in nature. She instinctively knows how to take care of herself, those close to her, and the natural world. She is a generative force, bringing new life, whether in the form of children (she is often shown as pregnant) or other beautiful creations.

So when I talk about cultivating a discipline of joy, I mean creating habits and practices that help us tap into the Empress's fundamental enjoyment of life. I mean intentionally observing what brings you pleasure, what makes you feel like your cup is full, what makes you say "that was a great day" when you get to the end of it. This is a way of looking at self-care that takes away some of the potential perceived drudgery around that term. I've noticed that when clients are able to find a way to enjoy some aspect of the self-care they are looking to cultivate, rather than just trying to muster up the discipline and determination they think they need, they are much more successful at maintaining their practices. The discipline then serves as a kind of structure for the practice, not the driving engine behind it.

Sensing I needed to be more structured about identifying sources of joy in my life several months ago, I added a joy prompt that I have incorporated into my evening journaling practice. Every day, I notice where I experienced joy. Some days, it jumps right out and the list is long. Other days, I have to think hard. It hasn't always been what I thought it would be. Over time, I've noticed the patterns - going for walks outside, especially when the weather is beautiful, meaningful conversations with other people, a tarot reading or coaching session that brought me in touch with a sense of my own purpose in the world, a sweet moment with my kids. This practice has also helped me get more curious and discerning about the subtleties of different but similar emotions - how does joy feel distinct from gratitude? Or relief? Or excitement?

What might it look like to use all of the Empress's warmth and love to feed and tend your own joy? Sometimes we need to acknowledge and work through the resistant part of ourselves that says pursuing our own joy is selfish. The Empress is all about relationship, all about an ecosystem of love and care. She understands that our ability to thrive as individuals is intimately connected to our collective wellbeing. When I have examined the moments that bring me a deep sense of joy, they typically involve connection to nature, to other people, to a sense of meaningful service. These moments do not include doom scrolling or getting stuck in self-righteous anger about the injustices happening all around. I am not saying that there is not a role for healthy anger in taking action towards making a more just world. I also do not want to diminish the scale of very real suffering or promote a kind of denial-based toxic positivity. Rather, I want to say that being rooted in joy, relationship, and an awareness of the interconnectedness of all things sustains us and allows that joy to be contagious. In this sense, experiencing joy can actually become a vehicle of individual and collective healing.

There is one more distinction I'd like to highlight, and that is between the joyful pleasure I have been writing about and the desire for immediate gratification. If there is a shadow side to the Empress, it is the potential to tip into an overemphasis on immediate gratification. For me, this tends to show up around food, especially sweets. What I am really looking for is that deep sense of joy, but when I overindulge, joy is not usually the end result. Sometimes, delicious meals do show up in my journal in my moments of joy, and it often has to do with the people with whom I share the meal and the whole experience of the meal. Here, the value of discipline is not so much around creating restrictions but tuning into and leaning with intentionally towards what will truly fill me up, physically and emotionally.

What does joy look and feel like to you? What practices help you tune into and amplify the joy in your life? How have you experienced the healing power of joy?